Superbike badasses!‏

It's like being in a superbike race; pass as often and with as much speed as you can, use your breaks only to avoid an accident or when entering a tight curve, pass on the inside or outside it makes no difference, never take into account the bikes around you (that's their job) and most importantly, never and i mean never let your right hand off full throttle.  
 
Ok maybe I’m exaggerating a little but that's exactly how I felt after 5 hours of it yesterday.  Now obviously no one is forcing you to drive this way but if you don't you are more likely to crash as you’re not driving like everyone else and you cause confusion of the road.
 
Passing a black diesel belching, horizontal mushroom cloud inducing, deafeningly loud, unexhausted, fully loaded dump truck that's spewing sand and gravel out of its uncovered load while another one identical in size and menace is barreling straight at you in the oncoming lane...not worth a second thought as this is only one of the 2 or 3 hundred you are gunna pass today, get used to it.
 
Finally we enter a congested city traffic jam.  Not that i like traffic jams in the slightest but it does happen to mean that all the devilish disturbing dumpieshave to stop in their tracks; though that doesn't stop them from spewing thick black soot (what the fzck are you burning in there anyhow?...Coal!).  So the trucks are stuck...that has no effect on a motorbike as we're free to pass on the left, right, breakdown lane, sidewalk, gravel shoulder, weave in and out, do just about anything we fzcking like as no one's gunna stop you.  
 
About the only international rule of the road we've come across here is that everyone stops religiously at the stop lights; ok that is a lie, a few maniacs turn left on red, whip uies, turn left again and are on their way through it’s not that common.  And another thing, at the stop lights, everyone and i mean everyone always stops behind the white line, we havn't figured out why but they do, and so, so do we.  
 
That was until yesterday...I’m speeding along in the zone, never taking my eyes off the road, not even for a second; Rachael's on back, reading the map, yelling out directions, and i mean yelling as on a bike, wearing old shitty helmets surrounded by wannabe straight piped motorcycle racers and solar icecap melting diesel dumptrucks if you don't shout you can't hear each other and so the other is forced to scream "what" for the millionth time and it sometimes causes inter-couple friction.  So the rule goes, "if you've got something to say...shout it out or save it for later."
 
"WE'RE IN A LEFT ONLY LANE AND WE WANT TO GO STRAIGHT!"  booms the co-pilot, 50 feet before the red light, police monitored intersection in front of us.
 
Ahhhhhhh, SHit!! 

Despite being on a motorbike i can't just squeeze next to the cars in the straight only lane like all the other motorbikes are doing because of the massive double surfboard rack contraption protruding from our left side.  I could try but without a doubt some diesel dumpy will rip them off and crush us in the process.  
 
My mind draws a big fat blank!  With a foot to the white line i look up to see the two traphic cops watching us closely...ahhh...with no other choice i shrug and then pull perpendicurly in front of the rest of the straight only traffic, I am way the fzck over the white line!!
 
How much is this stupid mistake gunna cost me i wonder...10, 20, 50 bucks, are they gunna make us go back to the station?  Fzck!!!
 
They are staring right at us..."should i blow the red light and try to out run them?" i think for a second before coming to my senses.
 
Just take what's coming, even 50 bucks isn't that much to pay off the cops, a lot of places it would probably cost me 100 i think.  
 
Then without warning...their hard stairs soften...suddenly both crack a smile, laugh and then jump on their bike and speed off.
 
Few, out luck is still holding!
 
Love US

Maniacs Part Two!‏

For obvious reasons the next ten minutes pass without either of us catching a wave, we are always to wide, we just can’t force ourselves to sit deep enough, it’s to scary.  Then a huge wave comes.  I’m sitting in the same place that’s been To wide for all the other waves but not this one.  Wanting to get this thing over and done with as soon a possible I turn and go for it. 

I’m looking down a vertical 6 foot face to the shimmering reef below.  My momentary indecision renders me to deep and as I push my board out to stand up I’m pitched by the lip of the wave straight out into the air.  Time slows…aahh how I wish I hadn’t hesitated or better yet that I’d hesitated longer and just let the wave go, but of course I didn’t and now I free fall to the bottom where I’m smashed, then picked back up by the passing wave and smashed again.  Opening my eyes under water, the illuminated coral is blotted out by the white water and it is pitch black.  For a moment I start to panic, but remember it doesn’t d much except use up your air more quickly.  Covering my head with my arms I make the rest of my body go limp and let the wave have its way with me.  Finally I’m released but unlucky for me I’ve fallen on the very first wave of a ten wave set which means 10 more thrashings.  During which my boxers are ripped down to my feet and for a while I’m completely naked, getting pummeling by waves, dragged close to the rocks with only a couple feet of water between me and the urchin infested coral below.  To put it mildly, I’m freaking out!!  Get me out of here!!

Finally I make it back to the channel, looking up I see Silus flying along the face of a wave, not making any turns just going as fast as he can.  He lets out a primal sound, part adrenalin part fear. 

Now there is absolutely no way I can just paddle in, if Silus’ got a wave I’m getting one. Luckily the next set to come is of a more manageable size and I pick off a real nice one, ripping along the face it is quite the surreal sensation; I pull off just before it shuts down.  That’s it, I’ve had my one wave, I don’t want another, I’m finished, so I paddle back out real wide.  Silus can go for as many more as he wants, I’m gunny sit here and watch or should I say try to watch as I really can’t seem much. 

Another wave come and he gets it, only he rides it to far and doesn’t pull off in time.  Smash! He’s trapped on the inside like I was and unlucky for him a massive set is just starting to rip through.  For the next 10 minutes I bob out there on my own, Silus is getting a royal thrashing.

The first couple of minutes pass quickly as I’m still fired up from my one wave but the longer I sit along out there the more freaked out I get.  I’m so wide no wave is going to get me but off in the distance, as the swells roll past, I keep seeing something large bobbing around stirring up white water and reflecting in the moon light.  I only get fleeting glimpses; certainly it is a tree branch or maybe a sea turtle but in my mind it is 100% for sure a shark.  I doesn’t matter that no one every sees sharks around these parts, in my mind that is what it is.  And every surfer knows once you start thinking sharky thoughts it is all over, your imagination takes over. 

Fing-HAM this!!  With still no Silus in sight I start paddling for land.  Then all of a sudden there he is, “Holly Fing-HAM Shit! My heart is beating crazy fast! Let’s get the Fing-HAM out of here!” are the first words out of his mouth.  No need to convince me!

We book it for shore, only not wanting to get anywhere near the rocks we’re force to struggle for 15 minutes against a ragging rip. 

Exhausted, terrified and filled with adrenalin we finally make it to the beach.

Hands down we both agree it was the scariest thing either of us has ever done but that it was also awesome and we are glad we did it but that we won’t be going again anytime soon.

So if you are going night surfing don’t bother asking me to come along, I’m happier nuzzled up in bed!!

LOVE US

Maniacs Part One!‏

For over two hours we’ve been sitting in this restaurant, (no it is not Dead Puppy, Nail in your food Warung 29) the meal took an hour to come out and now the fruit platter has taken another hour.  Luckily for the restaurant owners we’re with friends and remembered to bring a deck of cards or we might have just walked out without paying it’s taken so long.

Like lions at a fresh kill, heads down, we devour our food when it finally comes out.  Looking up from our plates we scan the place for our friend Silus.  Where is he?  Seems as though he’s already left.  Oh-no!  Shit!  That probably means he actually thought I was serious when I said I’d go night surfing with him and now he has snuck out the back so no one else tries to tag along with us.

Ahhh…It is already 10pm, I truly cannot be bothered even going to check the waves let along actually go surfing.  I’m too tired.  I need an excuse, o yes good idea, I tell the truth, “I’m just to tired”.  I’ve been using that excuse my whole life.  No one really appreciates it but it always works.

Walking out of the restaurant, ohh damn!  There he is, on his bike, surf board in the rack ready to go, he’s chomping at the bit he’s so excited.  Shit!  I have no choice, I said I’d do it and now if I back out he won’t go either and I’ll never hear the end of it.  Maniacs go night surfing, suicidal maniacs go night surfing alone and he’s not suicidal so he won’t do it on his own, I have no choice really.  “Hold your houses, let me grab my gear.”

Two minutes later Rachael is crawling into our nice cumphy bed while Silus and I are fanging down empty moon lit streets on our Honda 125’s.  I can’t shake the notion I’ve forgotten something crucial; surfboard-check, booties-check, rashie-check, wax-check, what else do you need to go surfing?  I can’t think of anything, must be nervous anxiety knowing me might very well paddle out at a powerful reef break in the night time.

Arriving at Segar neither of us can believe how much the full moon is illuminating the ocean, it almost looks like it could be day; almost.  The wind is just ever so slightly offshore and we can see the moonlight reflecting in the white water peeling across the bay, other than that it looks a bit small conditions appear to be perfect.   Shit, we’re here, let’s go for it. 

Waxing up my board it dawns on me; surfboard-check, booties-check, boardshort-no check.  I’m wearing thick canvas cargo shorts and have forgotten my boardies at the room. Damn!  There is no way I’m going back for them, it’s either surf in my cargo shorts which will not only be absurdly heavy and annoying but will get covered with way and they are my only ‘bottom half’ article of clothing.  Hell!  I’ll just surf in my old baggy, dead elastic boxers I decide.

Paddling out I feel as though I’m hallucinating, the moonlight is refracting through the ripples on the water forming dazzling shapes on the coral below and for some reason the surface of the ocean isn’t light up by the moonlight giving the sensation I’m floating in mid air.  That combined with the endless black abyss in front of us, the glowing white thunderclouds on the distant horizon and the shimmering stars above it is a pretty awhh inspiring moment.

Only once we are out the back, bobbing alone in the ocean, waiting for a wave, the awhh is rather rapidly replaced by anxiety and fear.  What on earth are we doing out here?  This is downright scary!  And then the first set comes…from shore we had thought it might be too small to surf, Wrong!!  The waves are overhead jacking monsters pitching at the take off and barreling, way too big to be surfing at night.  We are both sent scrambling to get wide enough to avoid copping the first set on the head. 

Going around and around in my head I’m thinking.  This is stupid, this is insane, I don’t want to get hurt, let’s get the Fing-HAM out of here, NOW!  Only we can’t, we’ve come this far, actually paddled out, we have to at least try to catch a wave before paddling in. 

White water off the distant indicator rock surges into view and then quickly fades away.  That means we’ve got about 30 seconds before the first wave of the set is upon us.  My heart starts racing, I know there are big waves coming, in the day it’s easy to get yourself into the right position, but sitting out here virtually in the dark we won’t see the waves until they are on top of us.  It’s is a complete crap shoot, pick a spot, try to keep your nerve and hope your not to deed because if your are you’ll get washed in towards the rocks. 

For obvious reasons the next ten minutes pass without either of us catching a wave, we are always to wide, we just can’t force ourselves to sit deep enough, it’s to scary.  Then a huge wave comes.  I’m sitting in the same place that’s been To wide for all the other waves but not this one.  Wanting to get this thing over and done with as soon a possible I turn and go for it.  

To be continued............

Love US

Final Answer!!‏

Hello!
First of all, please appriciate this one as it is the second time i've typed it. arr.  Yesterday i used the internet, typed this email, attached and labeled 20 photos, went to send it and the internet wouldn't work.  Blast, i tried for 15 minutes and it wouldn't send so i had to abandon it.  Also the devil man at the internet place made me pay even though his computer wasn't working, i almost threw my water bottle in his face though i managed to restrain myself, barely.

Second of all, hahahahahah.  For anyone who's seen the photo of Rachael in the enormous barreling wave and thought it was real please look again; her hair is dry, she is calmly smiling and if you look closely she and the surfboard are actually floating in space, hahaha!  Sorry to anyone we tricked, it was just meant to be a joke!!

Thirdly, on to the next matter of business; multiple choice.  Turns out everyone knows me better then i know myself!  The most common guess, at a ratio of something like 10 to 1 was, 'E' all of the above, 'Final Answer'.  "shit" i thought upon reading everyone's guess, "that would have been an awesome answer, I wish I'd thought of that myself." ha
In actuality the real answer was, (disturbingly i know, that's why we walked out) 'C' dead puppies.  I almost vomited, who on earth runs a restaurant and wouldn't either feed the puppies some scraps or at least if your not going to keep them alive for gods sakes get the dead fly covered puppies off the floor of your establishment!!  SICK!!

Even sicker then that...so the dead puppy incident took place a week ago.  Since then all of us whom were there have boycotted 'Warung 29.'  That was until...last night three of us are strolling down the street looking forward to a hearty bowl of Bakso (a local meetball, noodle, veggie soup that fills you up for $0.65) oh-no, they are out! No more Bakso! What to do?  As it happens 'Warung 29' is next door, we are hungry and don't feel like walking any further.  Ignorring the boycott and better judgment i might add, we sit down.  The puppies are gone, the restaurant is full of people, things are looking good.  Then the guy next to us spits something into his hand and walks up to show the cook.  "This nail(as in an actual steel nail, not a finger nail, and an inch and a half long) was in my food" he says, while showing the nail to the cook.  The cook precedes to take it from him, flick it onto the floor and says "o sorry bout that" as he turns around to get back to work.
"How on earth does a nail get into someone's food other then if it is purposely put there?"
Mind you we chewed our meal very slowly!  
Our luck is holding, no nails and no one got sick!!

Thanks to everyone who ventured a guess!!  We love getting responses!!

We are back in 14 days!!!!

Love US

Sorry no photos, computers can't handle it.

mulit choice‏

Just a quick question?
What is the best way to get a hungry group of 8 surfers, all of whom have just recently met, to walk into your restaurant, go to sit down and then all simultaneously turn around and walk out.
a)have the bathroom toilet overflow and pump poo out into the restaurant
b)tell them its a locals restaurant and you don't serve tourists
c)have a dying mother dog on the floor surrounded by 2 barely living and 2 fly covered dead puppies
d)have the waiter so drunk that he projectile vomits on your table as your about to sit down

Give us a guess!
Love US

drats again, wanted to attach more surf and other photos but dem computs in asia don't wat ah

Deep Pitching Barrel!‏

Maybe they were just a fad when I was a kid but does anyone else remember those “Choose Your Own Adventure” stories.

Turn to page 29 if you want to descend the latter in search of riches

Turn to page 41 if you want to climb the latter and follow Vicky

Last night I felt like I was in a twisted and disturbing version of one of those “Choose Your Own Adventures” where the reader has decided instead of just making  a singular selection to choose every option every time.

Turn to page 32 if you want your room to be filled with cob webs and the door to be rotting away to nothing

Turn to page 76 if you want your bed to be like a trampoline so when your wife rolls over you bounce into the air

He Choose Both!

Turn to page 98 if you want your food bag to be raided by a nosy pack of rats in the middle of the night

Turn to page 546 if you want to be attacked by a swarm of mosquitoes

Of course he choose both again

Turn to page 45 if you want the power to go out and the fan to quite

Turn to page 234 if you want the temperature in the room to get oppressively hot and to sweat to death

Yes yes, he choose both

Turn to page 12 if you want the local Mosque to start blaring prays at 4:30am

Turn to page 84 if you want the centipede bite you sustained on your elbow earlier in the day to flare up and keep you from sleeping

You guessed it he chose both

Needless to say, it was a long night

Love US

Check out Rachael's wave yesterday, holly shit, everyone on the beach went wild, twaz a sight to see!!!!

Peanut Dog Balls‏

What to write about when your playing pro surf bum?  Not much really happens day to day, we get up, surf, eat breakfast, surf, eat lunch, surf, eat dinner, go to bed, repeat!  Usually spending 6 hours a day in the water, seems like we might be sprouting gills sometime soon.

A couple of observational dog stories:
1.  Lots of stray dogs around, one which we see daily on our way to food market, has what would appear to be his testicles dangeling from the outside of his right leg.  I agree, that is absurd, how could one's testicles actually migrate?  I have no idea but there was no denying that testicle looking objects were infact hanging on the outside of this thigh.  Maybe some mad scientist crossed his DNA with that of a flounder, who knows?  
2.  Most of the stray dogs are actually quite cute dispite there severly malnurished state, as such at dinner we would throw them our chicken bones, (as a side note, mostly i actually did this for my own entertainment, the dogs would in one bite, snap the bone in half and in a flash of an instant later swallow both halfs with out chewing, something about the absurdity of swallowing a bown with out chewing made me giggle)
So one night we visit our regular 1.5 inch thick, chocolate and peanut filled pancake man and he down't have the correct change, he's 30cents short so fills up a bag of mysterious deep fried parcles.  Upon eating one they were actually filled with some sort of fruit filling and would probably actually be tasty when fresh, which they were not, that we didn't really care for them.  Lets fatten up our favorite stray dog we figure, finding him was not difficlut as he follows us around everywhere.  So we toss him one, expecting him to snatch it out of the air, as you'd think a stray dog wouuld do, before any other strays can steal it away.  But on the contrary it falls to the pavement at his feet, giving it a sniff he looks as us with a, "hey, what are you trying to do, poison me?" look.  I don't get it, arn't dogs supposed to be scavengers, can't they digest anything, our family dog used to eat among everything else, poop, rotten sausages, plastic bags, onions, chili peppers, peanutbutter, glass, 10W-30 motor oil, carrots and corn.  Wouldn't you think a starving street dog would eat a deep fried dough treat filled with fruit? Apparently not.  
This wasn't enough to make us give up though, we wanted to put a little beaf on our buddy.  
Ok so he wont eat them, neither would we, so i throw him a chunk of what was recieving our vote for the most delicous desert in Asia, the 1.5inch thick choco-peanut filled pancake.  Landing at his feet, he gives it the sniff test, no reaction!  I expect him to look up and bite us.  
Instead, he does the 'downward dog' (like yoga) and presses the side of his face against the warm delictable morsil and repeats the act with the other side of his face.  "What the hell?" we say looking at eachother.
Yet this is only the very beginning of what would appear to be some sort of bizare richualistic act.  A few seconds later he is upside down with his legs flopping a snapping in every direction, his neck is bent back so far it looks like it may snap, eyes rolled back in his head he is complety in another world.  For a while ther we actually thought he might be allergic to peanuts and was having a siesure.  But no, 30 seconds later he pops up, checks to make sure there are no rements for the other streeties, gives us a smile and trots off; happy as a street dog covered with peanut pancake!

Love US

O yes and some photos too, mostly motorbikes, not sure why but they are what we've taken pic of latley.
You can see the rest at our slide show party when we get back!

Wes goin surfin!!!!‏

Slap goes my face against the bottom of the wave, for the second time in a row, my right foot just sliding off the front of the board and the first thing to smack the water is the side of my face, ouch.  This mornings surf I caught 15 or so amazing waves and surfed them feeling like I was a pro, no falls or crashes.  Then what the hell is going on, I asked myself?  I can’t help but thinking maybe I accidentally stepped in some cooking oil, or laundry detergent with my right foot on my way into the surf, either that or the river letting out is real polluted with soap and that’s why my board is so slippery.  Though no one else seems to be pulling the stupid face smacking stunt I am so I doubt it. 

Out of the water walking back to the room, “hey Rachael, want one of these candy bars I’ve got in my pocket?”

Pulling them out the reason for my falls is obvious.  One of the wrappers is open and the dissolved oily candy bar is dripping out of my pick down my right leg all the way to my foot.

At least now I have something other then sheer clumsiness to blame.

Ha

Love US

I’ve tried attaching 10 or so photos with this absolutely crap computer, I hope it works! i think you have to click on this attachment, how annoying, this took me an  hour, ah!, yes i think it does work but its not as good as just getting them with the email, i agree!

view them if you like, there are surfing photos there for anyone who likes surfing!!!

Mr Potato Head‏

Assuming i've done my math correctly, which hopefully i have, as i keep having this insanely annoying reoccurring dream that i'm back in high school standing outside Mr Chipmans classroom and have forgotten to do my math homework; at which point i usually wake up repeating my high school locker combination, 21-1-47, which is also pointless as in the dream i can never seem to remember which locker is mine.  OK never mind, this story has nothing to do with high school, just a little simple arithmetic.    
1/(assuming around 5 times a day * 365 days a year * 30 years, as i figure they have always gone smoothly for the past 15 years and they probably will for at least the next 15).  That is if there was only one time my snot rocket was going to f-up in a 30 year period there was a 1 in 50,000 chance that it would be today.  That is 0.002% chance; that is not very likely.
Could it conceivably have had something to do with the thoughts i was having just prior to blasting my nose, (which were about a different story altogether; this crazy guys speaking to us like we are 30feet away only we are 3feet offers us the core of his nearly finished boiled potato, which oddly enough he is holding and eating just like it is an apple; my thought was, did he think we were deaf?  why on earth was he shouting so loudly when we were so close?  He must have been deaf himself, that must have been it, he was talking so loudly because he couldn't hear himself speaking, sheizer it would stink to just go deaf) probably unrelated but undeniably coincidental as you will see shortly.
So, we are riding along in the rain, thoroughly soaked threw and threw, Rachael is in the lead and i'm following which normally is the better of the two positions as you get to draft and rest your legs some, but not when it is down poring and you haven't got fenders as the leaders back wheel kicks up an endless rooster tail of sand and road grime which inevitable cover you head to toe.  
Any how, it was part snot i'm sure but mostly i think it was just water that had been flung up my nose.  So i bring my right thumb to my right nostril and as i go to blow, maybe i hit a bump, i'm not sure, my right pointer finger blocks off my left nostril.  The snot rocking is already taking place before i have a chance to readjust my position and because both nostrils are covered it just builds up some pressure in my nasal cavity and nothing happens.  Just like when you try to pop your ears after landing in a plane, not usually a big deal.  Except that my left ear drum makes this enormous cracking sound and instantly i'm dizzy.  "i'm stopping" i shout to Rachael.  And by the time i do i'm feeling so delirious and nautilus i drop the bike and slow motion collapse to the ground.  I feel like i have just been taken to the bottom of the sea, i really can't hear a thing (thanks potato man) and i'm pretty sure i'm about to vomit, though i don't.  Oddly just as i'm dropping my bike two cars slam on their breaks, whip u turns and return the way they have come.  hum that is odd we think but don't take much notice.  
A 10 minute guard rail rest sets me straight and we hope back on and start pedaling.  
Is good luck real?  I don't know but if it is i'd say we are in the good luck phase of things.  As 150 meters down the road, just around the bend where we couldn't see there has just been a terrible car wreck.  Going to fast around the corner on a wet road the car crossed into the other lane, about where we could have been if not for the mysterious passing out, flipped onto its side and smashed roof first into a pile of those caged granite rock bundles they use to build retaining walls.  The car is crushed, car parts, wheels and glass scatted about, the driver is bloody but looks to be ok.  
Did potato man shout in my face to make my ear pop so i would pass out and momentarily go deaf myself to keep us from getting mauled by a car, probably not but who knows; if so, Thanks Potato Man, we owe you one!
Love US
 
sorry no photos, we keep using computers with out the capability, we'll send some when we get a chance.
 
o yes, as always, replies welcome and greatly appreciated though not mandatory or course, haha!

Shargggggg‏

One might think that we arn't even really riding our bicycles at all with the number of emails i have sent this week, i assure you we are, riding riding riding.  
 
Before i forget; Thank you very much to everyone who has written back to any of our stories!!!  It makes taking the time to write and type them worth it.
 
Responces that made me laugh the most to the balloon email:
:That was a gallant offer and effort on your part to present a thoughtful gift to this ingrit (not really a word) who apparently had no aesthetic appreciation for the loony Americanized - Walt Disney – imagination. You should have kicked her or thrown a snake at her for crying out loud. 
 :don't let those kids scare you or get you down, you'll find something that will blow their sockless feet off.
 
  Fate would have it that Rachael and i are on a small island off the coast of Malaysia and at the very same time, hence fate being involved, our friend Will(who you may remember from the infamous Will and Rhian duo, they featured promently in our last asia trip jumping photos) is passing by on the main land.  Catching wind or our where abouts he pops over for a reunion.  
 
In keeping with tradition we must do something overly adventurous, something different that everyone else is not doing.  First we plan to kayak around the island, as it isn't supposed to be to big.  But we notice there are already other people doing it, there are even a couple of gays holding their paddles backwards and they have managed to make it around.  Paddling around the island is out.
 
I get this idea, the ocean is crystal clear, coral and fish abound, we've beeing doing lots of snorkeling already, 'why not swim around the island or at least half of it', i propose.  'No! Dumb idea! To far! Sounds dangerous!' come the responces.  Ok ok, it was just an idea.  But with out realizing it the seed was planted and by morning both Will and Rachael are in, 'yes, yes, swimming aound the island, what a lovely idea, no time to waste.'  And so with out further thought we are in the water kicking.  
 
And cruze we did, it was the first time any of us had rented fins on the trip and we felt like professional swimmers, the section we'd snorkeled the day before we did in a fraction of the time.  Plus the snorkeling itself was quite remarkable, tons of coral and tropical reef fish of all colors, shapes and sizes; we were having a great time.  We even passed a school of 10 or so Napeleon fish, each about 1/3 the size of us with disturblingly human like teeth plus high protruding forheads that looked as though they'd been repeatly smashed with a baseball bat.  Apparently who ever name these fish had quite a dislike for Napoleon as they were with out a doubt the drop dead ugliest fish i've ever seen.  
 
Bay after bay, beach after beach, soaking up the sun and salt we took breaks when we got tired and swam hard the rest of the time.  
 
Sharggg! Sharggg! Sharggg! Sharggg! Rachael tooted out her snorkel for the 4th time that morning, comming as quickly as our legs would propell us we always seemed to show up juast a moment to late.  Rachael and spotted 4 small black tipped reef sharks and somehow Will and i had managed to miss seeing all of them.  Finally on the 5thSharggg! we saw him, he was cute, just like a big bad mama shark, only little, about 3 feet long and said to be completly harmless unless seriously threatened, hence we were keeping our distance.  (Of course this story involves sharks)
 3 hours on we were still on the same side of the island we'd started on, that's when we started to guess that the hand scetched maps we seen probably wern't that accurate.  Hungry for lunch we sway up to the first nake couple we came to, apparently we were on what was aptly named Adam and Eve beach, 'o yes, an easy 10minute wask and you'll find yourlef on the other side at a nice little resturant.'  Plans were promply adjusted and we were off on foot.  A mango smoothy, chicken fried rice and ginger fried noodle washed down with a scavenged coconut off the beach we were back in the water kicking.  
 
With about another 3 hours to get back we figured there would be just enough time before the sun dropped behind the mountains, not that it would get dark only we'd be left in the mountains shadow and no ones likes to swim with sharks no matter how small with shadows lurking about.  
 
Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, we were making good time and still having fun.  Feeding the fish with the left over coconut we'd pocketed.  With an underwater camera i could have made quite the funny video clip.  At first we'd just break pieces of the coconut off and throw them up ahead to watch the fish nibble as the chunks sank.  Then we came up with the idea to chew up a big bit of coconut, swim down a ways, spew the bits out everywhere and in so induce a feeding frenzy.  Basically it just looked like we were vomiting underwater and the fish were devouring our puke.  100%mature i assure you.
 
 
Of course we were having to much fun to notice how fast the sun was actually moving and abruptly we were, like we'd planned not to be, swimming in the shadows.  
 
How many sharks is cool?  Most people would probably answer zero and so would i but with the little guys seeing a couple at a time is still cool.  Until a couple becomes 5 then 10 then 20 then 30, chuck in a couple dozen ugly Napeolon fish, realize all the sharks are doing big circles around you and you've got some fast moving snorkelers.  Actually i didn't even know i could swim that fast.
 
After passing over a shallow shelf which immediatly dropped of far enough for us all to get vertigo, (didn't realize that could happen in the water but i can) we all spotted a little shark who wasn't quite so little as his budies, maybe only 5 feet long but that was the final straw.  We all dragged ourselves out of the sea pretty damn quick!  Walking the rest of the way back until we reached a sand bottom sunny section again.
 
The day was unamously declared a success, an adventure was had and everyone was still safe.
 
Love US!

possum fur loin cloth clad blind man riding a deer‏

Now answer me seriously!  When was the last time you drove by one of those diamond shaped glowing yellow road signs proclaiming; 'Deer Crossing Nest Mile', 'Caution Possum Xing' or the bizarre ones 'Blind Person Ahead' and you actually saw one of these?

I'm guessing probably never, me either.  The signs actually seem kind of pointless in a way, yeah of course you do eventually see them but never directly after passing a sign when you should be alert.  In fact you are probably more likely to come across a possum fur loin cloth clad blind man riding a deer exactly the farthest you could be from any Caution sigh, face it the is just how the world works.  I'm betting the signs don't even register in most peoples minds when they pass them.  

At least this is how I've always felt up until yesterday.......

As you know, originally our plan was to start in Bangkok and head south, sticking to the less populated and so presumably less traphized east coast the entire length of the peninsula to Singapore.  And so the riding started and went and we had great days and miserable ones and we ate exotic food and toxic food, slept in saggy beds and saggier beds and got lost and asked directions and were promptly pointed on our way.  Yet some free advice that always came with the directions and was dished out like an unwanted side of frozen mashed peas at the local cafeteria was this, 'Do Not go through the last 3 provinces of Thailand that boarder Malaysia, there are extremest blowing shit up everywhere, it is dangerous, just don't go.  Yah Yah Yah, heard it all before, everyone is scared of their neighbors we thought and so basically just ignored the un-appetizing side dish.  Though there was something markedly different about it then what you usually hear, that it was Thai's telling us to stay out of parts of their own country not someone else's. hum...

And we continued to ignore the mashed peas until maybe the 10th time they had been freely slopped in our face when we thought, 'hold on a minute, maybe it isn't worth the risk, we can still get to Malaysia and skip out on those three states if we just make our way over to the west coast.  So what if we have to cross the dividing range twice, that's what our low gears are for right?

The first crossing was pretty easy, (you may remember i did throw up) we were able to do it in one long day.  But getting back to the east coast proved to be a bit more work as the Malaysian part of the peninsula is considerably wider and more mountainous.  As in it took 4 long days a total of 440km basically climbing from sea level to 3000ft and back down again 3 separate times.  

Sooo... after our second long day of non stop uphill sweating we come to...get this...yes!  A glowing yellow diamond shaped road sign.  One like neither of us have seen before, instead of a deer riding possum clad blind man there it has got a picture of an....Elephant!  The sign looks so ridiculous we snap a photo.  But low and behold 100m on we start spying elephant droppings off the side of the road.  In its self is historical whether you are a poo fanatic or not as they are the size of you head.  "Can you imagine if we actually saw a wild elephant?"  "No i really can't, it would be........."

CRASH BOOM BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Over our left shoulders we witness a gigantic tree toppling over in the nearby jungle, taking out other trees on its way down.  Only the Crashing Booming and Banging doesn't stop once the tree is down...

There is absolutely no question in either of our minds as to what is causing the destruction, the question is; do we pedal as hard as we can uphill, spin 180 and fly back down or do we jump off our bikes and see if he is friendly?

Dropping my bike i run back a little ways and peer into the thick dark green overgrown undergrowth.  HOLLY FING-HAM SHITTING-HAM i mouth to Rachael while waving my arms around like a historical maniac (mind you she is still standing over her bicycle one foot clipped in ready to bolt, lets say she is slightly more hesitant then her insano husband to find out what is bashing around out there)

Unmistakably we see an enormous elephant, tusks and all, out there in the jungle, and he is battle ramming trees apparently just because he can.  The sight, though only for a couple of seconds was otherworldly, right there in front of us is and honest to goodness 100percent pure wild elephant.  Nothing like seeing one in the zoo where you feel amazed and guilty at the same time, instead we just stood there jaw dropped and grinning.  That was for about 10 seconds until we heard another elephant off the right side of the road.  I ran over, saw nothing but lots and lots of poo, decided one siting a day was plenty, so jumped on our bikes and got moving.

I could not get over it, we had just seen a wild elephant who living right there in the jungle, and his parents and their parents before them had been wild elephants all the way back to the days of the woolly mammoth and mastodon era i imagined.  Wow!  How lucky are we!

A minute of reflection passes and we approach the steepest hill of the day, there is no need to speak, we are both thinking the very same thing, 'is this Fing-Ham mountain range ever....'

CRASH, CRASH, CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!

Spinning, over my right shoulder this time, and only 10 feet off the edge of the road, i absolutely can not believe my eyes, i must be delirious, there are 3 baby elephants, lined up, tail to trunk, making quick mad dashes and then hiding in the brush.  "Holly Fing-HAM Fing-HAM Fing-HAM" comes out loud this time! "Did you Fing-HAM see that?  3 baby elephants!!"

"Ahhhhh, no" exclames  Rachael, white faced and obviously petrified, "those were three Fing-HAM HUGE Boars with tusks not trunks!  What in the Fing-HAM Helling-HAM do we do?"

'RIDE LIKE HELL' I SHOUT, as is shift up a couple of gears standing to pedal with everything i've got left.  

So...Slow down next time you see and animal Xing sign, you never know who's around the next bend

Love US