Seemed like a stupendous idea at the time; drawing up a pro’s and con’s chart fully equipped with a sliding severity scale number rating column. Only then how after tallying up all the potential trips and days of deliberation did this trip emerge victorious…
CON’S
|
1-3 SLIDING SCALE
|
Logistical Nightmare
|
-3
|
Going to get sick
|
-3
|
Likely to have diarrhea most of trip
|
-3
|
Some of worst toilets on earth
|
-2
|
Permanent dehydration likely
|
-2
|
Here’s at least why I decided upon cycling India’s southern coast. How else am I going to have motivation to scribble absurd tails if we’re not lost, vomiting, in a hospital, reaching my arm into squat toilets to retrieve our passports or shriveling up on the side of the road like a lizard under a magnifying glass?
And Rachael, she’ll be downright bored if she’s not deciphering the encrypted scroll of a map we’ve got; wiping vomit off of my feet; sneaking me morphine from the ward’s supply closet; saying “I told you those weren’t our passports and that they were just pieces of cardboard, why the ‘f’ did you just stick your arm into a foot of curry shit? Stay the hell away from me!”; or noticing there’s a water purification plant across the road and that there’s no reason for us to shrivel up and die on the side of the road.
Now here’s the reason I’m sending this pre-trip-email. Typically we go on a trip, I find a pot of gold, write a story about it, embellish it up a bit (I would never), and then send it out with a photo of impressively dangly bull balls. Then a few days later Vicky writes back saying, “that story was shit and the absurd zoomed in photo of the impressively dangly bull balls extremely offensive, would you mind adding my husband Art to your list, he loves bad stories and offensive photos.”
Now of course I’ll write back, “Sure Vicky, no problem, I’ve just added him.” Only what I’m really thinking is, “Sheizer Vicky! Why couldn’t you have sent me Art’s email when I first asked for additional email’s, back when I was sitting in my own home in front of a laptop with a G100 internet connection and a keyboard with characters I recognized; not now that I’m in front of this Apple 2E in an internet lab that reeks of dirty feet filled with teenage kids playing “End of the Earth VII” with a G0.6 connection and a keyboard I can’t find the @ symbol on, (o right you have to hold ctrl+shift+tab+F4).
So…If you know anyone, doesn’t even matter if they know who Rachael or I are, who you suspect may enjoy some non-traditional tales, send their email address my way!
Hope to hear from you soon!
Love US
